Jasmine Hart

I agree that this is simple, and I do think that it coudl be interesting to try this from a new angle, using more imagery and trying ot convey your ...

I'd try this again, without the rhyme, and see what happens, because I think that you're getting very restricted by, and, as has been pointed out, some of it is ...

First off, you don't need the apostrophe in "it's", as thsi means "it is."You have some nice imagery here, but the rhyme isn't working for you here. It sounds forced, ...

Lovely, lovely, lovely! But please do take the suggestions on punctuation and capital letters, as omitting them makes this look sloppy, and that's a shame since it's so beautiful. I ...

Your style here was interesting. It reminded me of tenis. I liked the ending, but I'd suggest using more vivid imagery throughout, to really make this yours.The last three lines ...

Yes, this wasn't all that original, but, if I put that to one side, I have to say that I enjoyed the pace of this poem. You really conveyed your ...

Your rhythm here is very good. I think I'd scrap the word "Oh" as it weakens the impact.Your rhyme works well for you here, and the first stanza is great. ...

This is very good, but I'd make line six a syllably shorter to help with the flow, and maybe change line three to "Her bravery is not enough." I love ...

Now you're in business!This is more original, and I liked it so much more. I think that free verse suits you better than rhyme.Your imagery is so much better here, ...

The enjambment in this is good. However some of the rhyming is forced, and you deviated from the scheme which you'd established, which threw me. I'd rework "The day is ...

I agree with cadmium about your verbs. There isn't anything wrong with this, and, as was said, the rhythm of the ending is great.However, because I am so fussy, I ...

I liked it.Your imagery was great. I really enjoyed the beginning, but I think I'd change "I look at the sky and wonder what exists past the clouds". as it's ...

I love it. Your sentiments are beautifully expressed, I love the fourth line, and: "Each hour a blur of computer screens and screaming phones." My only nitpick is the last ...

This isn't overly original, but, if I put that to one side, there isn't really anything majorly wrong with this. For the sake of experimentation, I'd suggest rewriting this, using ...

I love it, it's really beautiful. Put an apostrophe in "passions", to show posession. I'd change "in my" to "into". I'd omit "bright' before "stars", as it makes the line ...